What is low self-esteem?
Self-esteem refers to how we perceive and value ourselves. When someone holds a negative view of themselves or believes they have little worth or value, they may be struggling with low self-esteem. This can impact various aspects of life, from relationships to overall emotional well-being.
Signs and symptoms of low self-esteem
Recognising low self-esteem is the first step toward improvement. Common signs include:
- Lack of confidence: Difficulty trusting your own skills and abilities
- People-pleasing behaviors: A fear of rejection may lead to prioritising others over personal needs
- Difficulty asking for help: Feeling like a burden, or believing others won’t want to help you
- Excessive self-doubt: Frequent second-guessing and lack of trust in your own decisions
- Fear of failure: Avoiding challenges due to self-doubt and fear of judgment
- Negative self-talk: Engaging in harsh inner dialogue, using words like ‘failure’ or ‘unlovable’ to describe yourself
- Difficulty accepting compliments: Struggling to receive or believe positive feedback from other
Common causes of low self-esteem
There is no singular cause of low self-esteem, as it often develops from a combination of life experiences. Some common contributing factors include:
Negative childhood experiences
Early life experiences and parenting styles strongly influence self-esteem. Lack of approval, emotional neglect, or experiences of abuse can significantly shape a persons self-perception. Children who grow up in environments where they receive frequent criticism, are subject to unrealistic expectations, or receive little emotional support may internalise these messages, and believe they are not good enough. The way caregivers respond to a child’s mistakes or successes can play a significant role in forming their self-worth. Over time, repeated negative reinforcement can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Bullying and discrimination
Being the target of bullying or discrimination – due to issues such as appearance, identity, or personal beliefs – can damage self-confidence. Both childhood and adult bullying experiences can contribute to personal insecurities, and avoidance of social situations. People who face discrimination based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or other aspects of identity may also struggle with self-acceptance, particularly when societal biases reinforce feelings of unworthiness. Even those who witness bullying or discrimination may experience heightened anxiety and diminished self-esteem as they internalise messages of exclusion.
Social media comparison
Constant exposure to idealised images and achievements on social media can lead to upward social comparison, causing people to feel inadequate. Many social media platforms present highly curated and often unrealistic portrayals of success, beauty, and happiness. This can create pressure to meet unattainable standards, leading to dissatisfaction with your own life and achievements. Engaging with filtered content may distort self-perception, reinforcing negative beliefs about self-worth and appearance. Additionally, online validation through likes and comments can create a dependence on external approval for self-esteem, making it more fragile and easily influenced by social media interactions.
Anxiety and depression
Mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression often reinforce negative thought patterns, increasing self-doubt and reducing self-worth. Anxiety can lead people to constantly worry about their abilities or how they’re perceived by others, while depression can foster feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. Those struggling with these conditions may find it difficult to recognise their strengths or believe in their ability to succeed. The cycle of negative thinking associated with these mental health challenges can make it even harder to build and maintain a positive self-image.
How low self-esteem affects daily life
Low self-esteem can impact multiple life areas, including:
Relationships
People with low self-esteem may find it difficult to form new connections due to social anxiety and self-consciousness, and they may also find it difficult to communicate confidently with others due to self doubt, people pleasing, or difficulty establishing and maintaining personal boundaries.
Social activities
Many people with low self-esteem shy away from engaging in social activities due to fear of judgment, or believing they don’t deserve the attention or company of others. Low self-esteem can significantly reduce a persons confidence in social settings.
Self-care
Those with low self-esteem may neglect self-care, feeling undeserving of attention or struggling with harmful coping mechanisms such as substance abuse.
Ways to improve self-esteem
Improving self-esteem is a gradual process which involves self-awareness, self-compassion, and consistent effort. Here are some potentially effective strategies:
Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness. Challenge negative self-talk by reminding yourself that thoughts are not always facts. Speak to yourself as you would a close friend. Practicing self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgment and recognising that everyone has imperfections. Engaging in mindfulness and self-acceptance exercises can also help in fostering a more compassionate attitude toward yourself.
Recognise your strengths
Acknowledge your achievements and skills, no matter how small. Accepting compliments and listing your positive qualities can also help shift your mindset. Create a gratitude journal where you note daily accomplishments, no matter how minor they seem. This practice can help reframe your focus toward your abilities and successes, rather than your challenges or perceived limitations.
Build a support network
Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can provide encouragement and perspective. Seeking support from positive influences can help challenge negative self-beliefs and create a sense of belonging. Joining support groups and participating in community activities can also help to build social connection, and develop a greater sense of self-worth.
Engage in self-care
Regular self-care fosters a sense of self-worth. Prioritise sleep, balanced nutrition, physical movement, and activities which bring joy and relaxation. Engaging in self-care can include anything from practicing mindfulness and meditation to taking up a hobby you enjoy. Making time for yourself and engaging in activities that bring happiness can help reinforce the idea that you are worthy of care and attention.
Set realistic goals
Break tasks into manageable steps and celebrate progress. Accomplishing small goals builds confidence and reinforces a sense of achievement. Start with achievable objectives and gradually work toward bigger goals. Tracking progress can help highlight personal growth and boost motivation. Additionally, learning from setbacks rather than viewing them as failures can contribute to building resilience and self-belief.
Challenge negative thoughts
Identify and reframe self-critical thoughts. When negative thoughts arise, ask yourself whether they are based on facts or habitual perceptions. Cognitive-behavioural techniques can help in restructuring these thought patterns. Writing down negative beliefs and countering them with evidence-based positive affirmations can gradually shift self-perception toward a healthier outlook.
Seeking help
If low self-esteem is significantly impacting your life, professional support can be beneficial. Therapy can provide tools to challenge negative thought patterns, build confidence, and develop a healthier self-concept.
Final thoughts
Low self-esteem can feel overwhelming, but it is possible to rebuild confidence and self-worth. Through self-compassion, support, and intentional self-care, you can cultivate a more positive and empowered relationship with yourself.
If you’re struggling with self-esteem or related mental health concerns, our therapy services can provide support and guidance tailored to your needs. Reach out today to enquire about seeing one of our experienced Psychologists.
