I’m breaking up with you because you’re mean.
Sometimes you’re so nasty that you won’t even let me carry out a conversation with my friends. All I hear is your voice telling me I’m stupid, ugly, they don’t like me, they wish I wasn’t here.
You do that. You get in the way when I try to talk to people, and you’re always telling my I’m no good. You erode my confidence and steal my joy.
You find fault in everything I do, and you exaggerate any tiny imperfection and make it seem I’m a total failure as a person.
You stop me believing in myself, you make me think I can’t do anything new, anything different, anything I really want. You tell me I can’t change.
Sometimes you even make me mean to other people. You fill my head with so much negativity that I start to look for it in others, and it spills out and overflows so I become critical of them too.
I’ve had enough.
It’s time for you to go.
When I hear your voice I will no longer assume it’s speaking the truth. I won’t base my decisions on what you say. I will remind myself that you are trying to undermine me, that I have a choice about whether I allow you to ruin my day.
I’m learning to be kind to myself, to treat myself with compassion, and to understand that imperfection is just part of my humanity.
I know sometimes you will pop up and get into my head again… but I will notice you, name you, and not let you dictate my life.
You are not in charge.
Kicked to the curb, dumped, don’t let the door hit you on the bum as you leave.
That feels better already.
This post is inspired by one of my brave clients who wrote a break up letter to her self-critic this week. I've adapted her letter to write this post. Maybe you could write your own?
Janet Lowndes, Director, Principal Psychologist, Mind Body Well