What is identity?
Identity is a multi-faceted combination of all the different parts that contribute to our sense of self. This can include:
Our intersecting layers of individuality, e.g. gender, sexuality, cultural background, body size, ability, neurodiversity etc.
Our different roles and relationships and how we spend our time, e.g. family member, friend, carer, etc.
Our values, sense of meaning, life experiences, and memories
Our personality traits and temperament
What happens to identity when someone has an eating disorder?
Eating disorders can significantly impact a persons sense of identity. For some this can feel like they ‘lose’ their identity, for others they can feel fractured or inconsistent within themselves, and some people can over-identify with the eating disorder for their sense of self. Eating disorders can shrink someone’s life, causing them to focus primarily on food and weight, which distracts people from other important aspects of their life. This means it can be easy to lose sight of what’s important in the bigger picture, and it can cause a person to lose sight of their values and broader sense of identity.
Eating disorders can be ‘ego-syntonic’ - meaning there’s a part of the disorder which feels aligned with the individual’s values and preferences, e.g. a focus on health or appearance. This can affect motivation to recover, as the eating disorder can be serving a purpose which is of benefit to the individual. Unfortunately though as much as an eating disorder can assist a person in having some of their needs or preferences met, it also causes harm, and in time can move a person away from their broader values or sense of meaning in life.
For some people, particularly with severe and enduring eating disorders, it can feel like they no longer know who they are outside the eating disorder. Understandably, this can make it very intimidating to challenge the eating disorder, and can create significant barriers to engaging with recovery. Starting to gently explore and build identity outside the eating disorder can be a challenging yet important part of making meaningful long-term change.
How to reclaim identity in recovery
Identity is a fluctuating concept which changes and develops throughout our lives, and this is no different when someone is working on eating disorder recovery. Learning to separate oneself from the eating disorder can assist in reconnecting with a broader range of values and motivations, reducing eating disorder behaviours, and moving toward a life with a greater sense of meaning and purpose.
Some ways to explore different parts of identity include:
Zoom out to see yourself as part of the world around you - explore your values to remember what gives your life meaning and purpose
Step out of your comfort zone to develop new aspects of yourself - have a go at an activity you’ve always wanted to try, visit new places, focus on developing new relationships, or revisit old ones
Consider how you can be more present in your relationships, try to focus on who you’d like to be in your relationships with others, and what you can contribute and offer in social situations
Explore ways to express the traits which may have been reflected through the eating disorder in less harmful ways, e.g. if you know you have a tendency toward detail and high performance standards, look for a hobby where you can express that, like computer coding or mathematical puzzles
Learn about and work on letting go of the importance of societal systems which praise ED behaviours and which privilege specific body sizes or appearances
Revisit some of the interests or hobbies you had when you were younger, see if anything stays with you as a behaviour you’d like to take forward
It’s also important when challenging and gradually moving away from an eating disorder to acknowledge the purpose it has served in your life. Sometimes the illness actually enables people to cope with very difficult and challenging life circumstances – until of course it reaches a tipping point where the harm being caused by the disorder is greater than any purpose it has been serving. There can be a grief process involved in letting go and moving on – from anything! Exploring this can also be part of the process of developing a new sense of identity, bringing with you the wisdom and strength which is gained through the recovery process.